KEEP LOVE ALIVE (2)

"But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection" - Colossians 3:14

Marriage is not self-sustaining; it demands that spouses KEEP LOVE ALIVE in deeds: "But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection" (Col.3:14). The marital relationship requires effort, prayer, and intentionality. Our spouse is God's precious Gift that must not be neglected (1Tim.4:14). How do we prevent “holy wedlock” from degenerating to “unholy deadlock"? Love is dead without actions. We keep marriage alive by keeping love in action. We fan the flame of love through action and appreciation.

To keep love alive, we must avoid two misconceptions about love: first, that love is only a feeling; and second, that love is uncontrollable. Love is not just a knot in the stomach or a certain kind of physical feeling or emotion to be longed for. That's why some talk about falling into love and falling out of love, which basically means either feeling emotion or not feeling it. Also, love is not just something that happens to us and that we cannot change. We don't fall into or out of love!

Two things we can do to keep love alive and keep the fire of love burning in marriage are: Understand what love is (Define it); and act the way love acts (Demonstrate it). So, what is love?

Love is a matter of choice (Col. 3:14). Love is not something we are a victim of; it’s something we choose. Paul wouldn’t have asked us to put on something we can’t control, that we can only feel.

Love is a matter of conduct: "Let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and truth” (1Jh. 3:18). Love is more than what we say; it’s a behavior. Here, John enjoins us to back up our love with our actions. 

1 Corinthians 13 describes Love in Action:

Love is alive when it has patience, dying when it is hurried, and dead when it cannot wait: “Love is patient” (I Cor.13:4). Love is patient even in the face of frustration, criticism, stress, and hurt. We must constantly remember God's incredible patience with us. When we think of the patience of God, it helps us to be patient with others.

Love is alive when it cares, dying when it forgets, and dead when it ignores. “…love is kind…” (I Cor.13:4). “Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God has forgiven you.” (Eph. 4:32). Kindness is the ability to care for each other in the practical details of life. True kindness is expressed. And, kindness forgives! Forgiveness is a demonstration of a kind love. When we see how God forgave us, we are empowered to forgive one another. Love does not focus on the wrongs of others. It does not parade their faults for all the world to see. Love looks for the good, hopes for the good, and emphasizes the good.

Love is alive when it is secure, dying when it starts doubting, and dead when it stops trusting:“…It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” (I Cor. 13:4). Envy + Boasting + Pride = Insecurity. Security is truly the foundation of a love relationship. Loving couples feel secure to share their hearts, to be vulnerable and honest. 

We keep love alive by not presuming on each other, by acts of kindness, and by remembering that love is a fire that must be rekindled every day.